This past week, the One Health Society for Feel Good February hosted Dr. Katie Ford to discuss imposter syndrome in the veterinary field. The lecture was incredibly relevant to my life as I have struggled with feeling like an imposter for a large part of my veterinary school experience. It’s a constant level of background anxiety. Just waiting for the moment people are going to realize I don’t belong in this program. That I’m not smart or competent enough to be a veterinary student. It has chipped away at even the tiniest bit of confidence I have had in my abilities. Forcing me to doubt the hard-won knowledge that I gained over hours of studying.
Imposter syndrome is a consistent self-doubt despite one’s own abilities or accomplishments. Each success is considered by the person to be due to external influences rather than their own skills. It was first discussed by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 paper, Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention. In this publication, the authors discuss the feelings of being phony in high achieving women. It’s now been widely accepted that imposter syndrome can affect anyone. Though, it is often linked to high achievers with perfectionist tendencies.
Veterinary school is not the first time I have dealt with imposter syndrome. Though it’s been the most intense in this period of my life. I (pretty naively) figured veterinary school would be a lot like my college experience. A little difficult, sure, but not somewhere I couldn’t excel. Then, I got into the course work. To say it was a rude awakening is a bit of an understatement. Adding to this was the absence of feedback from my peers. Online school took away the ability to hear how other people were doing. So, my mind assumed it was only me struggling. It made it harder for me to participate. In group work I discounted my ideas. If I wasn’t as smart as the rest of my group, then I shouldn’t be telling people what I think. Eventually, this became affirming feedback. The more that I quieted my voice, the more I heard the confidence of others. I knew I wasn’t smart enough to be in veterinary medicine. It felt like a waiting game, waiting for someone to realize admitting me was a mistake.
As I have gotten further along in the program, I have learned a few strategies that help me cope with imposter syndrome. A lot of these come down to reframing. Taking a step back and examining my thoughts. For me, this has been through yoga and meditation. The emphasis on focusing on the breath helps me to create distance between my thoughts and their effect on me. In her talk, Dr. Ford masterfully put this as “thoughts aren’t facts”. It’s really easy to get swept up with the negative self-talk. I have a tendency to believe that each thought I have defines my worth and ability. However, through reframing my thoughts to simply just passing ideas that don’t define reality, it has become easier to move past perceived failures.
Another practice I have adopted is focusing on my accomplishments. In my first year of school, I thoroughly believed I was a failure. I saw only my bombed weekly quizzes and failed DOPS. Each one solidified the feeling that I would simply fail out of vet school. It was only a matter of time. You can imagine my surprise when I passed my end of the year exam. Passing my first-year was truly the first time I felt that maybe, just maybe, I actually belonged at this program. During that whole year, I missed all of my successes. I only dwelled on the negative and allowed it to cloud all of my experiences. One of the things that I loved from Dr. Ford’s talk was her idea of writing down three things you did well every day. I’ve done gratitude journaling in the past, but never applied it to my academic life. This is something I want to adopt going forward as I truly think it’ll help lessen the feeling of imposter syndrome.
An additional thing I took away from her talk is the idea of being kinder to yourself. It sounds simple enough, but in practice I struggle with this everyday. I place absolutely unrealistic expectations on myself. In my mind, I need to have great grades, a perfect social life, engaging hobbies, all while having a balanced diet and exercise routine. Basically, being that girl on TikTok who gets up smiling without an alarm at 5 am, all while managing to have perfect hair and makeup. This might be realistic for some (if this is you, I applaud you and would love to know your secrets), but not for me. Often, exceeding in one part of my life means I’m failing in others. Yet, I never allow myself room for grace. I just chastise myself for not being the “perfect me” that I envision. There would be no way I would let someone talk to a friend of mine the way I talk to myself. Dr. Ford’s talk emphasized how vital it is to be kind to yourself. Letting yourself realize that you are growing in your abilities and knowledge everyday. Failure is an unavoidable part of growth. This helps push past the moment where your confidence drops, what Dr. Ford calls the “Valley of Despair”.
If you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, know that you aren’t alone. No one has it all together. Veterinary school is hard for everyone. We all struggle with something, even the people who seem like they have it all together. I’ll tell you flat out for me the recent formulative OSCEs were not a good time. But I’m getting to the point now where I know that my failures don’t define me. My world won’t fall apart from a bad grade. The admissions team did not make a mistake in choosing me. Just as they didn’t make a mistake in choosing you. You are capable and smart enough for this program. You deserve to be here.
If you are interested in hearing more about Dr. Ford’s work or her resources for imposter syndrome, her website is: www.katiefordvet.com
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